TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DREAM TRIP

If you could see me now!

There was a commercial for Carnival Cruise Lines that aired constantly during my childhood. Tragically, I can still sing every word.

Imagine you’re a child living in a landlocked state with near-constant cloud cover. Kathie Lee Gifford is describing a floating paradise in the sun, a place with buffets full of cocktail shrimp and profiteroles. A party on the ocean, with dancing showgirls in sequined lapels and frozen drinks in primary colors. I was beyond influenced by this commercial— I had to go on a cruise. And what made the idea even more appealing was that it was the kind of thing my parents hated. “Tacky,” they’d say every time I begged them to call Carnival and make a reservation. It wasn’t like we normally took elegant vacations (unless you think Wisconsin Dells is elegant.) But my parents aspired to classiness, plus they were and are staunch buffet-phobes. “That Kathie Lee is obnoxious,” my mom remarked as I dug my nails into my palms.